It *should not* take a village to raise a child.

Reader's discretion:

If the below writing isn't eye opening enough, I suggest to search for @aritha.w to get more meaningful content and insight. The images and the statements are disturbing but this is the time to crawl out of your comfort zone and get a better look at the world from where you are standing. Yet there are only a handful of people like @aritha.w who appears for the majority's sake, we won't feel the depth of what's happening in Sri Lanka until it happens to someone we associate. 

We talk so highly of our culture. The Sri Lankan culture. The culture where we pretend values are preserved and respected beyond anything else. Where half of the population dedicates a proportion of their lives to correct themselves and adapt to the so called culture. Excuse me for repeating the word 'culture' so many times but first of all, WHAT culture? 

From men being allowed to have multiple wives to sexual abuse to domestic violence to disturbing and absolutely gut-wrenching cases of rape? Promoting to stay in a toxic marriage saying divorce brings  shame? Advising to 'keep distance' with those who are in different ethnic/religious/race and cultures whenever somebody messes up? Where we judge a woman in her 30's and be surprised if she isn't married with kids? The Sri Lankan culture where they refuse to accept that motherhood is not every woman's calling but when it's voiced out it's called selfish, immature and ignorant? A community that believes going to a psychiatrist or therapy is considered a mortification? 

Rather pathetic because there are crimes, misogyny that go unhinged. No media or article focuses and speaks about the incidents unless the media gets a political upper-hand . Majority seeks facts when things are happening right under their noses because we are so indulged in surviving one moment at a time. When one incident happens, we talk about it for 2 or 3 days until a worse case replaces it. In the end nothing is really solved, it's accrued.

So far there has only been ONE victim held accountable for rape in 2019. The trial has been continuous and consistent through out 14 years. Our so called 'systematic education' plus our 'culturally preserved' environment is so 'fair and just' because rape - a crime, takes average time of 14 years to be concluded. By the time they conclude that the rapist is guilty the world has moved on. Jokes on the patriarchal society.

I know for a fact that around the world, the cases are similar. I'm not just pointing the finger at Sri Lanka.  If I was to talk about rape culture, it doesn't only feature women even though the majority victims are statistically proven to be girl children and women. In Sri Lanka 1/3 is said to be a rapist. Why is it that getting raped is humiliating but raping isn't? Because our culture defines a victim of sexual abuse as 'impure' without looking at how it happened. Because we aren't taught about Sex Education.The word 'sex' is delivered to us in a way where we aren't supposed to talk openly about it. So the system releases a bunch of teen-adults who are deprived and misled. The worst case scenario is when educated men and women start creating havoc. That's what depresses me. 

And yet, we are still calling out for our heritage, screaming with all our energy that we need equal rights. 

Rights? Policies? Morals? Action?

No we don't have that. Our culture has made sure of that. Our education has made sure of that. Heck, even our society has already shown each and everyone of us where we should stand. And we all silently abide by it. At this point, let's leave aside equality, at least contribute to make it easier for a woman to walk down on a road alone, to travel without being cat called, to use public transport without being harassed. That's not something women has to request! 

We get so offended if a stranger calls our world a third world country. But that's exactly where we belong. 

I'm talking on behalf of so many girls in Sri Lanka. I have lost count of how many girls/women complain about harassment in public transport. A survey showed that the majority of the girls were under the age of 13 when they were first cat-called. The severity of this is shrugged off and has been chanted to girls like a mantra to 'Look down, don't say anything, keep walking and don't cry' 

When you do complain, they ask; 

"Well nothing happened right?" 

What sort of a question is that? just because nothing happened doesn't mean it wouldn't happen tomorrow. This is where the chain should be broken. By the time something does happen it's too late. But when someone does speak up, it becomes an argument??? Feminism??? Opinionated??? 

No you're just an anti-activist who looks at things from a different lens.

So, please don't act like you just have a "difference of opinion" when your difference of opinion is that certain groups of people don't deserve basic human rights. It shouldn't be considered a political stance or a debate to think everyone deserves to be treated fairly.

Every time I see some real energy coming out of the young men/women out there, small proportion of hypocrites have always ruined the chain - just like how more people have been arrested for the murder of Breonna Taylor than the actual murder of Breonna Taylor. When I shared the previous post about 'feminism', some say;

'Boys have similar issues too' 

Did I disagree? 

Both men AND women are in this together. It's not about women trying to dominate over another gender, don't get it twisted. While I'm fully aware about the toxic sides of feminism, shall we clear up that masculinity isn't so pure as well? So don't make this an issue about genders. Don't make this a debate about who has it worse because I will call you out!! You know why? Because this term is called as 'Whataboutism' - a variant of the tu quoque logical fallacy by attempting to discredit what the victim/activist has to say. Victim blaming, shaming and survival anxiety is real, if you haven't experienced it, you are in no place to comment unless you are in support of them.

Too much of anything isn't good. Stay culturally woke to demean issues that impact young girls and boys which will stop them from turning out into damaged adults with horrible childhoods. If the education system isn't changing, parents you can do it! don't wait till your kid is shaped by the society when it can be done right at home. Teach your sons to use their strength and brains for something much bigger than themselves and tell your daughters it's okay to be defensive about their choices and to be assertive.  

If our culture makes women and men feel as if they have over-stepped every time we speak up, that needs to change. It might take a couple of years, maybe decades, but the process and the result will be worth it. 

@triggerednotions